I think I may have a drinking problem-possible triggers?

I've been told for many years that I'm a binge drinker (by sister who was going into psychology) but I never bothered with the information because I always stopped. I would go weeks or months without even wanting a drink, to drinking everyday for days or weeks straight, then stop again.
This may sound ridiculous but I had a bad drinking problem when I was younger (13-14) my "guardians" were dumb and didn't realize and I was drunk every weekend, sometimes 2-3 times a week (now including weekends) without fail, for over a year. But luckily I was small and I didn't require much to get intoxicated. And it slowly tapered off, and I never gave it any thought. (Obviously there is alot more to that story that I'm leaving out bc it's so long)
But anyways over the years it's always been the same, drink for a while then stop. But this last bout has been bad. Super high anxiety, because of feelings that I can't control and/or things that I do when I'm intoxicated. To the point of panic attacks while waiting until I can drink (I have 2 kids - I'm not proud of this, simply bc of them but it's never ever around them, only once they are asleep, and their father is around) and I can't stop the panic, I kept telling myself that I would stop soon, it always stops, but it wasn't ending. Over a month of pretty much every day drinking. And heavily.
Then I found out I was pregnant (luckily I found out early on) so I stopped... but I am freaking out.. I want to drink so badly! If someone even mentions a drink or has a drink with them, I start trying to justify having a drink, (which I obviously cant, and don't do it) trying to find anyway that it would be ok to have a drink. It's eating me up. I luckily have none available to make the temptation worse (again not that I would, but it only makes my brain spin if I was to see it)
I'm sorry this is all jumbled, this is my first time ever time talking about it. Ever even allowing myself to think that I might possibly have an issue.
So my question is, do you think I have a problem?
And if so, what do I do?
I just want it to go away.

Only you can decide if you have a problem with alcohol, although to me it sounds like if you don't already have a problem, you might be developing one. It's great that you were able to stop drinking for your pregnancy. And I totally understand the anxiety.

I'd suggest a self-help group for support in not drinking. AA is widely available, and I had good experiences with it, and know many people who got and stayed sober with the support of AA. It however, is no longer my recovery group of choice. I now follow the women for sobriety program. You can google them.

I'd suggest therapy for the anxiety if your insurance will cover it. Cognitive Behanvioual Therapy (CBT) can be very helpful in learning to manage anxiety without having to go to medications.

Congratulations on asking the question about your drinking, and at least thinking about it. That's a great first step, towards having a healthier life.

splitimage

Hey,

Active alcoholism for me was a real drag. It sounds like you are suffering. Splitimage is right on. For me, alcoholism made anxiety so much worse when I thought the alcohol was helping. In early sobriety, managing the anxiety was a real challenge.

Some people need to fall really really far to get desperate enough to get sober. Divorce, Jail, and Rehab ended up not being enough for me, I had to lose even more to really find the humility to surrender.

I would start to ponder this question: "What am I willing to do to get out of active alcoholism?" and really hash out details, like very specific things. This helped me a lot.

Good luck. PM me as needed.

moogs

Thanks for the replies guys it's nice to know someone knows what I'm talking about lol my therapist is recommending one called celebrate recovery, if I can swallow my pride, I might go see what it's about.
Thanks again

Thinking of you. Please keep us posted on how you are doing. We are here to support you. xo

Sure. No Problem.

I am familiar with Celebrate Recovery and AA. What in your pride would there be to swallow? Getting help and acknowledging a problem is what you need to be proud of.

Good luck!

moogs

Thank you so much! I seen my therapist yesterday and I think celebrate recovery is something I might do but I just found out (by ultrasound) that there is bleeding around the baby's sac. Have to go see my hemotologist. I had a bleeding disorder when I was younger (it's complicated) so I might be put on meds. Idk. So I think my goals are celebrate recovery and my doctors appointment. Thanks again, you made my day