I was this way when I had ptsd as a teen from a sexual experience that I was not consensual with, from a family member I just met at age 11, and then had to be alone with him for two weeks in terror. Every job I got up until the age of 19 I spent the entire paycheck on the first day and it felt soooo good.

Im sorry that happened to you - i had a bad start in a similar way..not good - and yes it feels so good - i dont even put awy the things i buy any more - its not the things its the feel better at the time - life isnt all crap feeling"

Only you can change the way you spend money, but advice couldn't hurt. Maybe get a notebook and write down Everything you buy individually, and how much it costed, if it was necessary, etc to be able to reflect on your spending choices.

im going to try that...now I have to buy a notebook - yippee ! joking ..i have...quite...a few ...already

thank you

You can only change if you truly desire to.