Spending - on self destruct

This may not seem like much of a problem ...

I buy things ....lots of things ..things i dont need with money i dont have....they keep giving me more credit ...I have two cards in an"arangement " yet igot another card and was going to transfer a balance over to get an interest free period from my other cards or one of them but i spent that too - I am so in debt i juggle one card to pay another and yet i still spend

it makes me forget that life is **** - I have ptsd - it takes my mind off it for a while - it stops me from SI either with overeating - or eating stuff i know will make me physically ill (im diabetic) not sick as in vomiting - just so ill i cant move...that way i dont go out ..I cant be trusted.. there is only me to check me and I am not strong enough..I just keep digging a deeper and deeper hole - I give the things away ..or keep them - im not talking prada bags - i mean books,, dvds,, .....Clothes I shouldnt buy because nothing looks good on me

My depression lifts for a while when i spend - til the bills come in and i cant pay them - but then there is a sort of game of juggling ... and its a punishment...

and I live in ....well chaos..

im not sure i should be here - if i shouldnt delete me and no ill feeling - just well ...dunno...

need to stop and cant - make plans - arrangments - cut my cards up but they send new ones ...

maybe a lost cause ...i still have a roof over my head and food so im ok nothing to whinge about i guess

when my sister rings up and winds me up . .. i buy somthing and that makes me feel better -but then i feel bad....lol i am nuts lol

just want to curl up and ...well not exist...but hey thats life right !

Welcome. Shopping can be just as much an addiction and be as destructive other addictions.

it's something I struggle with too. In 2012, I shopped my way into 44K in credit card debt, and had to declare bankruptcy. And even now, when I'm on a really tight income I spend money I don't have to make myself feel better for a little bit. Is there someone in your family who you could confide in, and be accountable to for your spending?

splitimage

Hi, Phoenix7. As I look back in my life, I see that my own periods of over spending were right after episodes of a horrible loss. And I kept losing during the 90s so there was a ton of me spending. I did the same things as you, transferring credit card debt to a new card, etc.

What helped me change was a Debtor's Anonymous meeting. It was so upsetting it put the brakes on my spending. But since then I've had more losses and had to stop myself overspending again. Due to several moves, I've acquired issues with spending. I'm now hopefully a hoarder in recovery. I had way too much stuff to fit in an apartment anymore. I've had to stop spending on luxuries. I only have one credit card, plus a debit card.

I think for me, limiting the number of cards, and limiting the amount I can charge have been very important during my post 90s spending habits. I still sometimes spend too much, but I'm getting better at that.

I hope you'll be able to find less expensive ways to feel better/get that rush. It's not easy, I know that.

I am ...gee I hate to think - $70,000? - my super will cover that when I retire but I will be left with nothing and all I'm doing is paying the interest - and now I have another card because I got it to transfer a balance but spent it instead...

I sort things out - make a plan - then don't stick to it... its like i'm on self destruct

I know i think i dont deserve to be happy - various things have shown me that when I am happy bad things happen - so i mustnt be happy

at the moment i just dont see a way out

I cant go bankrupt - im a nurse and if i do that i lose my licence to work and then im really screwed

note to self must win lotto

note to self must buy ticket

This sounds very similar to my problem when I drink.
I also have PTSD and deal with very similar issues. For me, when I drink I have less anxiety, my depression lifts mildly and I can feel a certain sense of what I call "false happiness".
Both issues will get you to a place where you don't want to be.
I guess, those of us who suffer from this crap just need to find a healthier way of dealing. I don't know what that would be but its my estimate.
Good luck.

I was this way when I had ptsd as a teen from a sexual experience that I was not consensual with, from a family member I just met at age 11, and then had to be alone with him for two weeks in terror. Every job I got up until the age of 19 I spent the entire paycheck on the first day and it felt soooo good.

The only thing that changed it was rock bottom. I still lived with my mother who had to declare bankruptcy. I had no choice but to spend wisely after that and I am now pretty frugal. I was also young and not stuck in my ways so much, though.

Only you can change the way you spend money, but advice couldn't hurt. Maybe get a notebook and write down Everything you buy individually, and how much it costed, if it was necessary, etc to be able to reflect on your spending choices.

You can only change if you truly desire to.

I have to find a better way to "Be happy" not sure i remember what that means truly ..but hey...who is?

I'm not sure about whether you are physically able, but back in the past I walked home from work several times per week, i think it was over two miles, or 3. The long walk home was addictive because I had tapes of music I adore, to sing along to, and the walking released endorphins fairly soon into the walk. There were many days I danced across the bridge. It just had me feeling wonderful.

Anyway, I would get home still feeling great, and too early for the stores to open, so I spent less impulsively.

Whoever said you can't buy happiness is wrong. It can buy you days of amazing happiness, just using your entire body walking. Money can provide living in a good place, having good shoes, good medical care, healthy foods to eat, etc.

And for $5 or $10 you can buy a little kitten who ends up being your best friend and confidante for 20-something years. Money sure makes life easier.

Do you like to read at all? I've quelled shopping urges by downloading Amazon's Kindle app ... they have tons of free books, some of which aren't bad. And if you see a book that's not free, you can have a free sample sent to you. It satisfies that transactional part of shopping and quantity...the sky's the limit. Cost: $0.00

It also satisfies my urge to consume which is a feeling I get if my mood is too elevated. Not food, but a strong underlying urge to consume. Not sure how to describe it...just consumption. Lots.

I have spent 70k on stuff in one year when I was manic. I can't afford that anymore. Those days are over!

Try the Kindle thing! It may work for you. I'd been wanting to read some Charles Dickens. They were free and normally I would have hit Barnes & Noble. I used to drop $500 everytime I went in there, ugh.

If you aren't a big reader, there are cookbooks, self-help books, crafts books, probably underwater basket weaving books for free. lol