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Originally Posted by RxQueen875
I can so relate and I blame a lot of it on my BPD and need for attention. I've always dated men who had MI, jail records, kids, baggage baggage baggage! Then I draw the relationship on longer because of my BPD and abandonment issues. I've even spent money on men to keep them interested. I'm ashamed.
Believe it or not, my current fiancé is the most normal guy I've ever dated and we have a healthy relationship. I'll admit that my BP and crazy episodes do start a few arguments but it's over in an hour. When he first met me he had no idea what he was getting into. But now that he knows, he loves and cares for me even harder.
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Wow, yes......thank you for your response. I've also dated men with jail records, MI, plus crazy ex-wives who they share children with, and I've also spent money on them (which did not end well after all of it). It's encouraging to hear that you found someone nice. I have yet to find that, but I'd like to think there's hope for me.
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Originally Posted by hazn
I'm curious to know... what are some of the criticisms partners have made of you? Has anyone suggested that you are the one who is emotionally unavailable, not making an effort, etc? I'm asking because these are things I hear from people who have had relationships with someone who has Bipolar... so it's interesting to see someone who is diagnosed with Bipolar make those same complaints about their partner.
When you "wake up", but still feel "attached", what do you think that attachment is exactly? What is your idea of being attached to someone? What's the longest close relationship you've had with someone (including friends)?
I'm sorry for all the questions (don't feel obliged to answer), just curious.
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There have been times in past relationships where I have been emotionally unavailable, but those were the relationships where I ended up recognizing it and would break it off. However, in my last relationship, I really was putting a lot of effort into it and really opened up my heart to him. Then again, his inability to be emotionally unavailable shouldn't have been as much of a surprise to me since that person was newly separated from their marriage, and it did not end well at all for him. The relationship started out feeling really good, but in the end, he just wasn't ready. I guess I look back and see I took on the role of being the one to "help," but later, it was quite clear I couldn't sustain that since I need help myself.
The longest closest romantic relationship I had lasted eight years (with someone different than who I mentioned above). My partner ended up having a depressive episode, became very aggressive, said he fell out of love with me, then ended up in a psychiatric hospital for being suicidal. My BP on top of that, I'm sure made things a lot worst. After, he left the state and went down a very bad path. Prior to that, we had a happy relationship for most part, although my BP must have been very hard for him at times. We talk as friends here and there now after enough time has passed, but I don't want to get involved again. I have some true-blue friends since childhood. It's more the romantic type of relationships I struggle with. I'm genuinely not sure how to answer your last question as far as attachment goes....it's not a cut-and-dry answer, really. It's just the strong connection I get with someone; strong chemistry + seeing a future with them and not wanting to lose that.