I am the same way... constantly guarding my words and actions expecting ridicule... anytime I talk about myself I cry because of that, and blush of course.... (which makes job interviews awkward!) I think t is the only person I don't automatically cry when I'm talking about myself with anymore.... but even that took awhile. I'm interested to see if after my experiences over the weekend, how I feel like I truly have finally let go of my past (my 'old story' as t calls it) if that will change this or not. I should try meeting with my supervisor today and ask about how I can improve or something and see if I cry like usual or not. Might be a good test.