I need help. I'm not sure if I will live through the night, & I don't know if I want to. I have been in 2 different mental hospitals & that isn't for me. I feel like to much of a prisoner there. Eating when they tell you to, going to bed when they tell you to, complete lack of freedom, putting it like that sounds a lot like being in jail & that's how it feels to me. The drs never listen to me and don't want to arm me with more information on my condition.
I am tired of fighting my suicidal thoughts. They are becoming overwhelming. If I take extended time off from work I feel even worse because I'm not doing my fair share of supporting my wife. If I goto a dr about this they will lock me up, "For my own safety." Like I'm to dumb to be able to kill myself inside a mental hospital. Right off the bat I can think of 2-3 ways to do it. (No I'm not going into detail.)
I can't begin to explain why this makes me both sad & wanting to give up. I am struggling not to have another nervous breakdown but I constantly feel like it is just 1 misstep away. Honestly I'm surprised I've made it this far.