Same here. And I had numerous ... regretable times.

NoIdeaWhatToDo, the important thing is your heartfelt apologies and owning it. I grew up with a volatile mother, and the thing that was the worst, the real lasting relationship poison was her refusal to own any of her bad behavior. Never apologized for anything. Ever. It would have made a HUGE difference (so much so that I made a major point of doing this with my own kid). You care, and did this. Kudos for that.