I think this is a really great post to think about in regards to what is going on for you. I know that for myself, if I felt that I was being a burden or that I might be acting in a way that would cause my T to consider me being "too needy", I'd pull back (ie. stopped emailing). I'd try to be a "good compliant client" so that my T wouldn't terminate me. This was inside of me, nothing that my T commented on or expressed displeasure in. It was because of my own abandonment issues. Trouble is, because I tried to solve things without talking them through with my T, I found myself pulling back and closing or shutting down my emotions connected to need to stay connected or attached to my T. What was the results? The next few sessions would be uncomfortable, unconnected and frustrating. For me, I was feeling angry and resentful about my perceived need "control" my desire for connection to my T. It's like I was saying, "So, you're probably feeling overwhelmed by me. Well, I don't need you! I can do without you! I don't need to contact you or reach out and check to see if you're still there! I can do this alone. I'm not going to give you any reason to know how much I need you."

Then like a little kid (because inside, I was emotionally very young), I'd fold my arms, stick out my lip and deny my need to contact her. But when we resumed sessions, that young, resentful feeling lingered inside and got in the way. They were deep feelings and not one I really understood, but they were there. It took me a while to work through and process the feelings, but overtime, I realized that I was actually pulling away from exactly what I needed--human connection and communication with my T. Talk about your disconnected feelings with your T honestly and openly. Hopefully, he is skilled enough to assist you in moving through these feelings successfully. Good luck.

**I say I hope your T is skillful, because I freely admit that there are a LOT of T who do not understand or grasp abandonment issues. They allow out of session contact but tire of it quickly if it's not resolved in a few months and tell clients that they need to stop emailing, calling or texting or whatever. I wish more T's were fully trained in abandonment/attachment, and if they weren't up for the "long haul" that they'd refer a client out before taking on a client who is going to require, care, calm, compassion and commitment. Too many aren't well-trained and they end up retraumatizing clients.