Quote:
Originally Posted by TishaBuv
I came up with: "I wish he showed he cared in the ways that are meaningful to me." But then when I do the To Do list, I can't help but get very upset and frustrated with futility because this has gone on for so long it's disgusting.
Also, I have been reading psych articles about what love is supposed to be and what is toxic. Nearly everything we are doing is unhealthy. I feel so broken.
And, I know I have trust issues, but I feel like the assignment is a trick. The doctor is going to say "you can't change anybody. You are supposed to accept them for who they are." So the very assignment of making a wish list and a to do list is going to be pointed out that it is just being manipulative and wrong.
Ain't I a doozy?
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I don't think your T is trying to trick you. (If it turns out that's what it was, you need to find a new T!) Sure, you can't change someone based on your wishes. But if--OK, I'm just using a random example--if you were like, "I wish my H would buy me flowers sometimes for no reason." That's something your H *could* do something about. Or if you said, "I wish he would focus on me when I'm talking about something important rather than playing with his phone." Then that's maybe something he could work on. So...maybe think about stuff like that? The idea a PP mentioned about thinking through your day and what you wish could be different could help, too.
The wish list is just a starting point. It's to help you think about what's missing from your marriage. I'd also suggest saying in session that coming up with the list was hard, because you know you can't change him. Maybe your T will explain the point of the exercise. I'm sure he had some reason for it. Probably to get you thinking about what's missing, what you wish was different, and then to figure out which of those things you/H could work toward.
