Let me start off by saying I have never attempted suicide. If I had I'm fairly certain I would have "succeeded". I have come real close to doing it a few times over the past couple years. On a scale of 1-10, 10 being I have done it. At my worst times I have been a 9, 9.5, & 8. Each time I have suffered some sort of physical effect from being so close to the "edge".

Which came first the chicken or the egg? I don't know which happened first. I was suffering from a nervous breakdown. I don't know if that lead to my serious suicidal thoughts or if fighting against those thoughts so hard lead to the breakdown. Either way after all is said and done I had a severe tremor in my right hand that caused my whole arm to shake. Now you could probably rate it as moderate.

The 2nd time, 9.5, I started cutting & the day I almost did it my stomach got really tore up. I'm fairly certain this is also the cause of my ulcers. Sometime between my 2nd & 3rd time my tremor moved into my right foot as well, causing my right leg to bounce. I have also started to on occasion drag my right heel across the ground. Now after my most recent serious bout I have started dragging my whole right foot, not just the heel, all the time.

Has anyone else had problems like this? Not necessarily a problem that is a direct result of a failed suicide, but just the physical breakdown of you coming so close but not following through. It's like I'm paying a heavy price for not killing myself. I still regret not going through with it when I had the most courage to pull it off.