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Old Sep 24, 2016, 06:25 PM
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missbelle missbelle is offline
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Member Since: Dec 2010
Location: Fairfax, Va.
Posts: 9,199
Quote:
Originally Posted by cielpur View Post
We all have the same 24 hours to fill and everyone's hours are filled with something.

So, don't email me a list of reasons why you can't send me an email or set aside 10 minutes to return my call, and expect me not to react offended. Don't tell me that you can't help it. Because you can help it.

I absolutely hate it when friends use the "I'm too busy" excuse with me. Because it's just that --- an excuse. An excuse to ignore responsibilities, commitments, and relationships (friendship or romantic).

I've become conditioned now, to automatically downgrade someone I consider a good friend, when that person tells me they are too busy to return my call or respond to my email. Because I'm smart enough to read between the lines of their "too busy" excuse, which really is them telling me, "Your friendship isn't a priority in my life anymore."

A friend of mine waited 6 weeks -- that's over a month!! -- to email me instead of return my call. The subject line of her email even gave away her annoyance that she was expected to return my call, "Ugh, I owe you a phone call." Wow, that's so friendly and warm. Knowing that you don't want to call me back gives me the warm snugglies inside. I feel so valued. So missed. I mean, what?! Why not this for a subject line instead, "I'm sorry I didn't call you back six weeks ago." Better yet, why not a return phone call to apologize? Takes 5 minutes.

The time it took her to email her two paragraphs of excuses (all the commitments she has in her work and personal life that take up her time), she could have just called me for like, 5 to 10 minutes to acknowledge she messed up, hurt my feelings, and apologize. Then I wouldn't be so disappointed and hurt by her lack of follow-up and her clear annoyance.

Like I said, we all have the same 24 hours of a day to fill. "Busy" doesn't excuse you from being a good friend in my view. It's about priorities and options. If you don't want my friendship to be a priority in your life, fine. Friendships change. Friendships end. But don't insult my intelligence by telling me you were too busy to return my call 6 weeks ago, when clearly you spend a lot of time on Facebook.

I am done with this friendship because it's clear that she no longer considers my friendship a priority in her life. When I replied to her on Facebook's instant message that I got her email and suggested she call me over the weekend to talk, her response was, "But I can't call you this weekend. I'm too busy with A, B, and C." Why not just be direct with me that she no longer views my friendship as important or necessary for her anymore, etc? Why not respect my feelings and the time (8 years) I invested being her friend, to be honest with me and end her friendship with me in a respectful way? I don't think that's asking too much. I really don't.

The bottom line is this: people MAKE TIME for who they want to talk to, text, and email. Never believe anyone who says they are too busy to be around you. If they wanted to be around you, they would.

I'm curious what other people think about being blown off with "too busy."
I have learned that it is what it is!!! Bottom line that you are not their priority...may be many reason for this especially in our society where people are really way too busy....just take it for what it is.....find more friends; ease up on the expectations. I think they get us the most in trouble....and as a 12 step program says "easy does it!!!"....AND TRY AS THE CLICHE SAYS: TO BE YOUR OWN BEST FRIEND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Thanks for this!
Yours_Truly