I've had to learn to be very direct about what I want or need. If I want reassurance, I have to ask for reassurance. If I want comfort, I ask for comfort.

One good example is that my T tends to ignore the negatives in my emails and focuses on the positives. Few weeks ago, I emailed that I missed her. I knew there would be a good chance she would ignore it, so I specifically asked her to address that I missed her. She did.

It can be hard sometimes asking for what you need. Maybe you don't know what you need? Maybe you're too caught up in the emotions?

The best thing to do is to talk about it with your T. Talk about what you need when you feel different feelings. What you need when something triggers you, when you talk about xyz, etc. Be specific. Maybe she doesn't know what comforting looks like for you? Or reassurance?

I had a problem with my T when we first started. She didn't show concern on her face. In fact, her facial emotions pretty much stay the same. She told me she could concentrate on her facial emotions when I talked about different stuff, or she could give 100% of her attention to me. I chose 100% attention, but she worked on using more comforting words with me. Even with emails, I had to "train" her on how a supportive email would be to me.

And sometimes, Ts just miss things. They're not perfect. And they're not mind readers. So we have to tell them. And if we want something we have to ask. It's not only necessary for a good therapeutic relationship, but good real life relationships.