most likely pretty triggering

cant use that excuse anymore..the scars are too big, obvious and slightly darker and shiny in comparison to my deathly pale arm..

i have someone coming over tomorrow, the urges to rip into myself are really unbearable right now. .. wanna see blood..so bad..just watch it...grrrr i hate this.

i dont need a trigger to do it but i think i get triggered whenever i have distrbing dreams..which is often. last night i had another.. i wont go into details but i woke up feeling terrible. urges were so strong...still are


the friend who is coming tomorrow knows i SI, but i told her i stopped.. i just dont want any fresh blood to start seeping down my fingers as i pour her a drink or something ridiculous like that..

oh lord help me if there is a lord, the blades are looking so ******* sweet and innocent...