Getting diagnosed Bipolar 1 and Borderline personality was a massive hit to my self image. I've always thought I knew exactly who I was all the way back to my teenage years. I was an extremely creative personality who sought our new and exciting experiences and filled myself with as much knowledge as I could take in. I always have done what I thought was best for myself regardless of how others felt about it (much like my decision to move to Sweden to marry a man I had known for less than a year). I always knew I had periods of depression and periods of mania, though at the time I didn't know it was mania. I kind of just had the attitude of 'all highly creative people have ups and downs and feel more intensely than other perople'

Then I had the worst mania of my life this past spring and ended up in the hospital. After many ER visits I finally got a formal diagnosis this past July. It hit me like a truck. I was shattered. My self image was crushed. It made me look back at my life and finally understand those highs and lows I've had all my life. I still don't regret anything I'd done in my past but the realization that I am mentally ill was like a sledgehammer to the face. Now I feel damaged and I didn't feel that way before. It's been a very hard thing for me to wrap my head around.