Bipolar and self image

Hi all!
So I'm new here, haven't been diagnosed but I study psychology and am pretty certain I am bipolar 2, or cyclothymic, probably been for the past like 8 years. I keep on starting things, having a great amount of energy, feeling positive about my future, super social and productive, and then eventually I get super overwelmed and depressed and just can't cope anymore and usually end up leaving everything behind ( relationships, uni, work...) and like, move to a different country, since this has always pushed me back in a happy hypomanic state. Needless to stay this is not going to work in the long run! I keep on ruining my life and then starting over. I just don't know how I will ever be able to say, have a career, a marriage, children, and so on, when I will always fall back in depression and need to escape? :P

And also, when I am hypomanic I just feel awesome and the way I think I'm intended to feel, and all the other time I feel bad for not being able to live up to this image of myself.
My question for discussion is how you guys maintain a stable image of who you are? If you do? Someone just told me that I should see myself as being somewhere in between both stages, however I'm usually not there so I don't know how that would feel? Looking forward to thoughts on this!

I would talk to a psychiatrist and get a confirmation on a diagnosis and start a treatment plan from there.

I see bipolar, depression, anxiety and the like as physiological illnesses that can be controlled just like diabetes is controlled with insulin. Because of this, I don't see myself as defective or anything.

This is strictly my opinion, but I honestly believe that people with one mental health issue who goes on meds end with developing more and more because the meds actually block the body's ability to utilize various nutrients, especially magnesium causing more symptoms. It's amazing how many people who start off depressed or bipolar develop anxiety disorders, OCD, ADD, ADHD and end up agoraphobic because their brain lack the nutrients needed for them to feel normal and function. Meds don't help the body produce the neurotransmitters needed to function whereas amino acids do.

Here's a great brain function questionnaire showing the emotions/symptoms associated with various neurotransmitters and the related amino acids used to treat those symptoms. This and taking the mineral lithium orotate is how I've been treating my bipolar 2 for the last 9+ years after being on meds for 13 years with lots and lots of very nasty side-effects which is why I went off them. My mood and self-image is better than it's been since I was a kid. And I'm not tied to a Pdoc who runs my life. If my mood shifts up or down, I take the necessary amino acid or lithium and it stablizes within about 18 hours. And the reason this happens is because at it's core, bipolar and so many other mental health issues are caused by our brains not being able to produce these neurotransmitters without a little help in the form of supplements. This is the wave of the future--all the big stars and billionaires are very into nutrition as they know that's how to stay healthy.

http://drjolee.com/Brain-Function-Questionnaire.pdf

Thank you for your replies I also found some super interesting information about the circadian rythm being unbalanced in bipolar people, with the brain not knowing if it's night or day, producing either too little or too much melatonin. They (researchers) actually managed to balance a few people with forced darkness ( say 8 pm til 8am ) for some weeks /months, allowing them to get used to a normal daily cycle. After that their moodswings dissapeared! I can imagine you would need to keep constantly doing it though for it to work... And one should with this philosophy also ignore blue light at night, that is, phones, tv, everything, since it messes up our natural cycle. I suppose this goes for everyone, but especially us sensitives! Actually lithium has the same effect , blocking a protein affecting the melatonin production in the wrong direction... So I guess there is a lot that can be done to keep a balance without medication as well, of course meds being a good option if things go out of control

I agree with you on this. I mean, I think meds are great for the ones really needing it, and I suppose lithium is a godsend for many with bipolar, however there is a huge problem with overprescription, and the use of drugs as the only treatment. Especially with benzos and SSRI's. People simply get told that the meds will solve their mood and anxiety problems, but you just kill the symptoms, not the causes. I would advocate for therapy over medication any day of the week, and if absolutely necessary include meds in the treatment plan.

Self-diagnosis is unwise for many reasons. See a psychiatrist and get a formal diagnosis. Studying psychology means nothing. Sorry.

Did I mention anywhere that I will not seek help?

Didn't mean to sound rude here, just want to clarify I'm not here to advocate the benefits of self diagnosing, merely that I start to realise where my problems might come from, and of course I will also take some necessary steps to do something about it. Thanks for caring!

Mental illness damages identity. After years of contradictory bipolar phases, symptoms, medications, side effects, fleeting successes, failures, losses and setbacks, you may have lost sight of who you are. I have come to the point where I have no idea who I "really am". The silver lining is that you may eventually come to understand that identity can be fluid, rather than static, and you may come to cope with that in yourself. Or you may learn not to care, and that might be okay, too.

I agree with Lefty. Identity can be and often is fluid. Most people, even neurotypicals go through several life changing events which change the way they see the world. We learn new things and grow everyday. Several years ago I went through a "who am I" phase. Am I the wild crazy person with as much common sense as a drunken 12 year old on crack or the elderly acting lady who sit in her recliner and knits? I decided I'm both. Sometimes my behaviors are driven by illness but it's still me. Everyone has something about themselves they wish they could change. Nobody is perfect after all. In the end, it's up to you to decide who you are. Good luck on your journey....I hope you don't have bipolar, but if your doctor feels it fits, do your best to stay strong and focus on the best treatment plan for you. We will be here to support you and answer any questions you have.

Getting diagnosed Bipolar 1 and Borderline personality was a massive hit to my self image. I've always thought I knew exactly who I was all the way back to my teenage years. I was an extremely creative personality who sought our new and exciting experiences and filled myself with as much knowledge as I could take in. I always have done what I thought was best for myself regardless of how others felt about it (much like my decision to move to Sweden to marry a man I had known for less than a year). I always knew I had periods of depression and periods of mania, though at the time I didn't know it was mania. I kind of just had the attitude of 'all highly creative people have ups and downs and feel more intensely than other perople'

Then I had the worst mania of my life this past spring and ended up in the hospital. After many ER visits I finally got a formal diagnosis this past July. It hit me like a truck. I was shattered. My self image was crushed. It made me look back at my life and finally understand those highs and lows I've had all my life. I still don't regret anything I'd done in my past but the realization that I am mentally ill was like a sledgehammer to the face. Now I feel damaged and I didn't feel that way before. It's been a very hard thing for me to wrap my head around.