Thank you, divine, for understanding. He's not the cause of me being depressed . . . just not the help he could be, if he were different. I know I don't have to do what I do. I want to. How he is is nothing new. I stopped living with him because the relationship was what it was. But I never really let go. I thought I could live with one foot in the relationship and one foot out. So now, if I want to care for him, I am not home. This is the arrangement that I set up. I didn't know what else to do.

I am spending more time with an old friend. That's not a great relationship either. I seem to attract people who are takers. I kind of look forward to the day when I'll be alone. I suppose that won't end up being what I imagine, either.

I could spend more time doing healthier things. I just have to make the effort.