Dear Demidog,

"I'm also pretty confused with what defines "romantic attraction" and "sexual attraction". It's all just "attraction or not" to me."
--I think some people are "romantics", for me, love without romance can never last long. When I think of sexual attraction only, I think of a one-night stand. If I learn someone is uncaring, I get repulsed by them and run the other way. Good sex is something that doesn't happen everytime anyways. It's like the stars have to line up correctly or something. Don't be turned off if it's not great everytime.

"When it finally came to it, it just HURT a LOT (I'm sure is probably normal) and completely turned me off rather than on"
--I don't remember this every happening to me. Though I was drunk my very first time (Could be a first time time thing?) But maybe you just weren't sufficiently turned on before you tried. Sex is not that good for women until we are sufficently aroused making things get "slippery" down there. You just sound afraid. I was afraid my first time. I've done a lot of things just because I wanted to please my partner. Sometimes they were not enjoyable at first but over time, I started enjoying it all, more and more. I wouldn't worry about your sexual identity--it might change over the course of time. And what you like may change too. It's all good if you have a gentle partner.

You seem like you are on the right track because want to be friends with the people you have sex with. I think that is a great practice to have!