Whatever is wrong with you please never forget there are many things right with you too, reading your posts I am struck by your emotional intelligence.

Anticipatory grief as well as regrets over the past are a common feature in your situation, there are others facing the same challenges as you out there - I wonder if you might consider seeking support groups, some people find validation and comfort from those who share similar situations.

Take care ((((Rose76)))

I am including a link you may find helpful:

http://www.alzheimer.ca/~/media/File...s_family_e.pdf