I will definitely try to post an update. As for asking for resources, there aren't many that would work. I do not get enough money for an apartment or a sober home. The only real option would possibly be a group home situation that takes government insurance (which I get because I am declared disabled).

The main concern right now, is that because I technically fall into the diagnosis of borderline personality disorder, they always just throw me into DBT, even tho I say I don't want that, that it doesn't work for me, and that I have done that particular IOP over 5 times now, and am still coming back because nothing is changed/better.

I do not agree with the diagnosis for me at all. Every single criteria for BPD that I meet, could also be explained by years of chronic emotional and mental abuse and neglect, for which I hold a diagnosis of C-PTSD and DID. Even to an extent, the schizoaffective diagnosis could be explained by that as well, especially since my psychotic symptoms are related to stressful situations more than anything else.

I want to go to the dual diagnosis group they have, but I am scared that it will just be "well I need to put you in DBT because of your issues/symptoms. I am at the point right now, that I want to say dual or nothing. If they say DBT, then I am just gonna say "no thanks" and leave. I am not going to waste the time and money on yet another 20 sessions (3 hrs each) of something that doesn't help me.

I want to get better. I am so tired of feeling this way, resorting to the behaviors and substances, because I don't know any other way. I need help, but I am not gonna just roll over and "do what they say" because they are the "experts" anymore. I have an education history (college and university level) in social work and psychology, but because my issues caught up with me, I have not been able to finish a degree yet. (Hopefully 1 more class for an associates degree, which I am registered for in the spring...)

I am desperate, I can't keep living like this, something has to be done... I just feel like sometimes their procedures put the clients at risk because there is no leeway for clients to be different people with different needs even though they have the same problems.