Every once in a great while I still re-discover a few tears while pondering myself and my "daddy", and I can easily understand why you, SeeSaw, do not want estrangement from your mother. I was never able to get back to the place with either of my parents where I could trust them with "Daddy!" or "Mommy!" and a hug from me like when I was young, but I did ultimately "forgive and forget" in at least the simplest sense for the sake of their own dignity as quite-fallible human beings. My mother was never able to see her errors because she refused to believe her own parents ever made any, and the best my father could ever offer was to admit something like "I suppose some of the things I did back then might be considered abuse today." Grieving for them was my only salvation there, and thus will it ever be.