Since I quit partying I went back to sleeping eight hours a night. I don't drink or drug myself anymore and I feel like I was regaining some of my mental clearness. I start to think that probably I don't have anything and that I just screwed up in the last months due to lacking self-control. Whenever I feel better I just judge myself for sometimes losing it and start to think I am completely sane which is pretty easy because I am not diagnosed. I am very happy about feeling better and getting the impression that not all is lost. Anyway I suppose not going through with the diagnosis is not a good idea because I know the ups and downs will come back, they are just not here in this precise moment. Do you have any similar experiences?