Doubting but happy

Since I quit partying I went back to sleeping eight hours a night. I don't drink or drug myself anymore and I feel like I was regaining some of my mental clearness. I start to think that probably I don't have anything and that I just screwed up in the last months due to lacking self-control. Whenever I feel better I just judge myself for sometimes losing it and start to think I am completely sane which is pretty easy because I am not diagnosed. I am very happy about feeling better and getting the impression that not all is lost. Anyway I suppose not going through with the diagnosis is not a good idea because I know the ups and downs will come back, they are just not here in this precise moment. Do you have any similar experiences?

You made the right decision to stop partying. It was un-stabilising you. Diagnosis's are only helpful for treatment. Perhaps you will find you get unstable after being sober a while. Maybe you will be fine, i really hope so. So glad you feel all is not lost. Hope that stays.

For me when I have gone through phases of drinking too much and smoking too much weed I have ended up very unwell in Bipolar mixed states. You seemed to have avoided that which is a good sign.

I just allowed an official diagnoses last month for bipolar 1. I'm not happy about it, but I wanted help. Now, I already want to say, "Screw you, I'm fine," to my doctors. I don't want therapy or treatment for my issues, even though I know I need it. I'm fighting myself on a lot of old habits. When I'm up, I won't take medication because I'm really happy and I don't want to deprive myself of it. When I'm down, I just won't get out of bed to take them and if I do get up, I get it in my head that I can get better on my own. When I'm mixed, I don't know what the hell I want but I do get belligerent. When I'm stable I think I'll be good and just take medication when it gets bad, again.

This all makes a lot of sense, right? It doesn't but I understand a bit of what you're going through. Thing is, I couldn't tell you precisely why I'm like this. Just that I'm experiencing something similar to what you describe.

It totally makes sense to me, Só leigheas. I guess I am pretty much the same except for that I don't think I have Bipolar I because I never get manic. But I also just look for help when it gets really urgent and when I am up I do everything for it to stay that way, drink lots of caffeine, party hard and avoid sleeping, because I just enjoy the time too much.

Wander, yes I am pretty sure I made the right decision, but actually just after ending up in an incredibly hard to take mixed state. Or I suppose that was what it was. I was so energetic but so depressed at the same time, thinking about suicide all the time, cutting and crying and so unbelievably angry. I just got to the lowest point which gave me the power to say: that's it. I stop. For now I really am better, I hope it stays like this for a while. At least it gives me the chance to really keep track of my moods because now they show.