Quote:
Originally Posted by shattered sanity
does anyone on here have a wake up call
that moment when they knew.. right, i'm depressed, something needs to be done about this now!
mine was actually sitting down with myself and trying to think about what I wanted for the new year, and I realised that actually, the thing I wanted more than anything was death
I didn't just want it, it needed to happen- that's when I knew I was totally depressed.. when answers to all my own questions- what do you want, where do you see yourself, ended up dead or death
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My realization came once I was still utterly miserable despite getting two promotions in three months and having a newborn healthy baby. I had to luxury to have many things be going very well, and to realize that my sorrow was not resultant from my circumstances.
That tends to be a problem for many in society, countless people in poverty likely suffer greatly from depression and other mental health issues, but because it corresponds to their "hopeless" situation, it seems like a fitting emotional response.
For me I had very scary experiences of seeing myself as some helpless scared organism that would just vanish away, I became very frightened by my physicality. Lungs gasping for air, heart pounding, and the unconscious mind churning and reacting in ways I felt powerless to stop. It just stripped me of purpose and left me feeling naked and doomed. Then came the panic attacks, and Catatonic episodes.