yesterday I had a scary experience (I thought, and could sense my mother's X boyfriend in the room with me), and believe me when I say, I was terrified!.

apart from that, christmas eve was pretty normal... watched the muppet's like I said i'd do, eat like i said i'd do etc.

today struggling a lot with memories (what ever I do, where ever I turn, seems to be a memory), and being alone (the highlight of this christmas watching disney's the lion king while scoffing chocolate).

it's all i'm doing, and I wish it was all ready over- at the same time though, I wish it lasted longer.. new year is on it's way, and I always dread that time- I find myself going on a guilt trip