Originally Posted by zijax

Last Saturday I went to our family Christmas dinner, a black tie affair. I'm always nervous. I had a few bourbons and several Ativans. I had made it 14 months sober with a trip to Hazelden rehab last Christmas. I'm a recovering alcoholic and have worked very hard on my recovery this year....zillions of AA meetings so I am very disappointed in myself. But I have not had another drink. My son was very angry with me. We left before I made a fool of myself. I can't believe I drank, I'm a failure. It was the one thing I was good at, not drinking, now I have lost again.

Just get back on the horse. Beating up on yourself accomplishes nothing. Just remember you did it for 14 months.

[LifeInProgress]

Zijax, now you start not drinking again. You made it 14 months last time, and this time you didn't make a fool of yourself.

Staying sober is hard.

[zijax]

Thanks guys, all I can do is hold on. My mother is sneaking wine in her bedroom right now thinking I won't know it. I wish she'd just drink in front of me rather than do that. I have to make it through this night at her house for dinner with my son and go home. I'm sober and trying to stay that way. I hate being here because every night at 5 is cocktails and she makes a huge deal of pretending not to drink in front of me. Then she slips behind me. I'm not going to drink. I'm not. Thanks for your support.

[gina_re]

Well I think it has finally happened. I feel back to "normal". I've been socializing, going to social events and talking to people. I can see my bedroom floor again!! I don't remember the last time my room was so put together. I even put effort in keeping my house clean. I feel as if I enjoy life again. Plus with my employer finally paying my disability, that definitely helps. Although I'm not excited to go back to work, it is inevitable and must be done. Besides, I'm out of good tv to watch!
The commercialization of Christmas has not helped me to enjoy the holidays. After age 13 or so, I just lost interest. Presents were infrequent and I noticed the emphasis on buying gifts and being with someone during this time of year. The older I was, the less I cared. Then I watched the Festivus episode of Seinfeld, and loved the idea so Happy Belated Festivus to you all!!
Sadly, my best friend, my grandmother, passed on Christmas three years ago. I keep saying that is the reason to help me not enjoy the holidays. That was really true that first anniversary. We all couldn't take it. But as time has gone on, I try and focus just being around family and sharing memories. And it is kinda cool to see kids open gifts. I don't need to ruin Christmas for my nephews with a lecture about my distaste for this holiday. So tomorrow my mom, sister, brother in law, and two nephews will be at my house for dinner. Which is hilarious because I do not have any decorations up and both of their places do.

[gina_re]

Going back to work = a better sleeping cycle
I'm really strict about when I go to bed and wake up, but being off of work for so long has relaxed those rules quite a bit. I have week to change going to bed at midnight and waking up around 9:30ish to going to bed at 10 and waking up at 7 (and 5am twice a week).

[Standup2me]

I bit my nails down so short that my fingers hurt,...just when I thought that I had broken this gross habit
I just need less stress life
I've been taking people all of my life, maybe I need someone to take care of me???
Ah, I am just ranting...
Just fed up with my life

yesterday I had a scary experience (I thought, and could sense my mother's X boyfriend in the room with me), and believe me when I say, I was terrified!.

apart from that, christmas eve was pretty normal... watched the muppet's like I said i'd do, eat like i said i'd do etc.

today struggling a lot with memories (what ever I do, where ever I turn, seems to be a memory), and being alone (the highlight of this christmas watching disney's the lion king while scoffing chocolate).

it's all i'm doing, and I wish it was all ready over- at the same time though, I wish it lasted longer.. new year is on it's way, and I always dread that time- I find myself going on a guilt trip

[xRavenx]

Last night was nice, quiet, but I drank too much. I didn't sleep good at all and felt a little sick earlier, but now I'm feeling a little better.

As much as I love food, Christmas movies, decorations....for some reason certain members of the family get super edgy on Christmas Day. I'm sure it's their reaction to stress, and my reaction to stress is probably coming off a certain way too (unintentionally), but I have some feeling my mom purposely wants me to upset her so that she can start a big dramatic fight. She is super controlling with everyone in the family, no matter what their age is. I'm just trying to avoid her to a point, but I can tell she's targeting me. Hopefully everything will be okay.

Anyway, I hope everyone has a Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays!!

[Nammu]

Just sitting around waiting for everyone to show up...the weather is tricky, rain and ice.

[LadyShadow]

Last night was a pretty good night, spent the day with my sister watching animated movies. Then took her to the Pharmacy to get some medicine for her cold, imagine being sick on Christmas! Anyway, we got her the medicine and then she went to bed and I spent the night watching some Christmas specials with my best friend.

Anyway, woke up this morning to a rough start. Was feeling a bit resentful and disappointed that everyone was still sleeping. However, when everyone woke up and we opened all the presents it was so much fun! I took a wonderful shower with my new body wash and put on my new Minions nightgown feeling refreshed and really good.

So now I am in really good spirits!

[Moose72]

Travelling to my aunt's for a big family gathering. I'm hungry! Opened presents already. I got a scale from my sister (hint?) And a CD of Pentatonix Christmas. I love that kind of thing.

[LifeInProgress]

So far today has been a nice, quiet Christmas with my family. I was ready for it to be awkward, second Christmas since my wife and I separated, but it has been good.

[Unrigged64072835]

Playing with presents today. Tried out everything and it all works. I'm grateful for family and friends. Did a load of laundry (husband's gifts). Having leftovers for dinner tonight (we did the big dinner last night with the kids).

[Nammu]

Dinner eaten, dishes washed, now waiting to gather play games and open presents. The adults just do dollar gifts that we play games to win. The kids (2) get presents from everyone. Santa granted my wish and my middle sister didn't come. So much more peaceful without her constant criticism and boasting.

Waiting for family to come pick us up. Don't know when that will be. Got all my presents ready. Finally starting to feel hungry after eating so much last night. Looking forward to seeing family and giving my gifts. And having prime rib and crab legs, lol. My son got his gift already. He only wanted money so I got him a $100 visa gift card. He was happy with it. Gave him his stocking Thursday. Couldn't wait.

I wish I knew when my family was coming. They're very stressed. They were up really late wrapping presents. I guess we're going by uber.

[Icare dixit]

No depression or mania.

Am I the only one who doesn't like receiving gifts? I really don't like it. It may remind me of wasting money on things I don't need or use (after all). I don't think I deserve things in general so it just makes me feel guilty, especially because I'm so ungrateful as to not use them (much).

I want to give, not receive. Is it a personality thing? It certainly (partly) is low self-esteem.

let me be the first to welcome the forum to the other side of christmas, and to say that for me, that waqs the worst christmas ever.

being alone, having my own gifts, having family memories, over binging, I'm just glad the whole thing's out the way for another year

couple days to recover then it's new year (which for me, is even worse)

but well done to everyone for surviving yesterday. I know it wasn't just me who found it hard, a lot of people did

[Phoenix_1]

After a long while I'm back. I had a drug reaction last week that caused me to go to the ER. I was so scared. The pdoc said the drug made my potassium levels dangerously low and my heart would have stopped if I hadn't gone to the ER. They consulted with the head psychiatrist and he said it was all from my new psych med. I was only on it one week. If you are taking a new med and you feel like you're dying from the "flu", please go to the hospital and get checked out. My friend said I was manic and delirious. I have BP2. I've never experienced mania like that before. Now I'm finally coming down and starting to feel "normal" again. (My normal). What a roller coaster ride. And Oh yeah, I was in the hospital when my plane was taking off. I was supposed to fly to my daughter's for Christmas. Yesterday I had a lovely Christmas with friends instead. And I need a new pdoc.

[Moose72]

Waiting for my friend to wake up at almost 130 pm so we can get together. My kids are gone with their dad for Xmas but I don't know when they'll be back.

[Wild Coyote]

The holiday went smoothly. Enjoyed time with family.

Looking forward to the New Year!


WC

[hopeless2015]

Off work until the 3rd, enjoying the time off so far. Going to try and do something around our apartment every day and have things looking good. Depression seems to be under control right now

[Nammu]

So tired from all the people that were here.

[scatterbrained04]

Christmas yesterday was much better than I thought it would be. I mostly enjoyed the day. Except I felt kind of sick most of the day. My son seemed like he got what he wanted, so that made me happy and all worth it. My mom nearly brought me to tears by giving me money for new tires for my car, which has been a huge worry on my mind.

Today I've just been hanging out and trying to enjoy a day off. Put together a Lego set for my son this morning. Took 3 hours! Just ran him to Gamestop so now he's a super happy guy. Taking him to my aunt's for a sleepover later today. So quiet evening in my future.

[OctobersBlackRose]

Haven't been around for awhile, kind of been busy. Recovering from a chaotic Holiday, it started out nice and calm, then people started drinking and all Hell broke loose. I had to retreat to my room a few times, cause it was so bad. But all in all I had a decent holiday, got a weighted blanket, and I like it, 12lbs, which is fine cause I'm tiny anyways.

We had a very touching thing happen at Christmas. My mom passed away 10 years ago. She was a wonderful woman. Well she used to crochet and she crocheted angels and snowflakes and then would starch them for Christmas tree decorations. She gave each of us kids a set of each. Well my nephews wife said, " I know they aren't angels yet, but I'll get there" and handed me and my sisters all little snowflakes she crocheted! She took the time to learn how to crochet them. We were all in tears. It was beautiful. I believe my mom was with us last night.