Well ... I'm very unclear about my own case here. Of course I constantly live in the fear about getting lung cancer, COPD or something like that.

But when you learn that you have only 3 months to live, then why would you stop THEN ?

I know I can refrain from anything else. Alcohol, sugar, meat ... and I can also go without internet, sex, shopping, working or any kind of doing that can be addictive. 10 years ago or so I took up the habit of rewarding myself with sweets. After lunch - have a desert even I wasn't hungry. Accomplished something - get a chocolate bar. After work - stop by the gas station and get a chocolate bar for celebrating the end of the work day, etc. But one day I said to myself "hey, this is stupid. It doesn't do anything for me other than gaining weight. So, stop it" - and I did. Without any problems, without any cravings. It was just a stupid habit I had picked up and I just kicked it.

But with the cigarettes it is sooo crazy for me. I just don't understand myself there. I say to myself "stop it. You are just killing yourself and pay a fortune to do that". And then - I reach out for the pack and light one up, I feel like being remote controlled. So, I'm just wondering if I might have somehow deep down in my sub concious area the desire to kill myself or to disappear, to vansish - I really don't understand it.