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Originally Posted by atisketatasket
I don't think a therapist should ever say "we are not equals." That's just a bid for control to me. They can believe it as much as they like, but be quiet about it.
Art - correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems like every time you announce an intention to take a break, your therapist finds some way to stymie it. Possibly I'm seeing a pattern that isn't there, but whether or not it is there I agree with your husband - don't go. Fulfill your word to yourself before any obligation to her. And show her who's the boss. You might also find that you don't need her as much as you think - and she may be scared of you realizing that.
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She has talked me out of it several times, you're right. The only reason part of me wants to go now is to tell her of my anger. I don't want to be passive-aggressive about it (like I have always been in the past) and just cancel. Thank you!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by ruh roh
Art, I'm of two minds about your situation.
On the one hand, I know for myself that when I feel extraordinarily emotional, I've been triggered. That does not mean that the person who did the triggering was right--in this case, I think your therapist was really insensitive, considering the context of the discussion--but it might mean that you feel the same way, or fear there is truth in it, a kind of rejection of you and your worth. And that last part is worth looking at, because that's what follows you wherever you go. Again, it doesn't mean you don't have a right to be angry with your therapist, just that it could also be pointing to something deeper.
The other thing is that there is a bigger context here, which is that you went in wanting to discuss your relationship and wanting to matter to her beyond being a client (sorry if I got that wrong), and her comments were clobbering during a time you made yourself vulnerable. She messed up.
Bottom line: You don't owe her anything. Not a session on the 7th or anytime she suggests. This is your path and part of it is finding your own way, and that could mean some coming and going and breaks to sort things out.
I wish you the best in this. I hope you can see all the good that's coming out of defining yourself and your value.
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what I bolded - that absolutely what happened. i was about as vulnerable as i have ever made myself in there and yeah, i felt clobbered. I am trying very hard to see that I don't owe her anything (beyond paying for my sessions of course, which I always do).
I am beginning to see that there is good coming out of this yes, this defining myself and my value. thank you!!!
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Originally Posted by stopdog
I don't see where I am not the equal of a therapist. Certainly they are not better, higher, smarter, more evolved, better educated, etc than I am.
In terms of dealing with them - I don't see it as unequal. I see it as a difference of currency - I hand them money for them to sit there. The money is my part - the sitting there is theirs. I do not consider their sitting there to make them better than my money part.
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Thank you for this. She does have a higher level of degree than I do, but that doesn't make her a better person. And come to think of it, if she is going to sit there and say she's so much better than me, well that kinda makes her LESS of a person than I am actually, doesn't it?!
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Originally Posted by unaluna
My two cents is, its like she's playing the t card. She can see things i cant. Thats what we want them to do, etc.
OTOH, and this is where i ended up with my t, is - do i go to t because he says so? I.e., do i go for him, or do i go for me? Because at first i went because i was helpless, almost as if i had no choice. But now i am developing agency. So when we disagree, its the rapprochement problem all over again - if i stand up to him, do i lose him, like i lost my parents?
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I like what you said there - "do I go for him, or do I go for me?" I go for me. But yeah - I'm also afraid to express my anger to her, because if I do I might have to deal with her anger right back (like with my parents) OR I will lose her.
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Originally Posted by CantExplain
Stupid thing for a T to say.  |
I agree. Especially her timing, when I was so vulnerable after admitting how I felt. I think it was made doubly hurtful because she has never ever made me feel like I was any less than her as a person.
Thank you EVERYONE for your thoughts! So much appreciated!!