Hi, I'm 16 and it feels like
I screw up everything. Get attached to everyone. I get hurt so much.
I don't have friends, I've withdrawn from family, and I can't keep a girlfriend. I've been deprived of real social relationships so much throughout my whole life that I seem to cling to everyone and seem annoying. I lack hobbies and interests. I have very low self esteem. I can barely care for myself. I'm moody all the time (irritated, then happy for a moment, mostly very easily irritated)
I don't know what's wrong with me or why I do things I do. I seem to WANT myself to be hurt lately. I even put myself in toxic relationships that I know won't last which is hurtful to me because of my attachment issues.
And I insult people a lot, which in my mind is playful, but it just comes out and probably hurts them. Im not good at healthily socializing. Never have been.
I've been bullied from elementary all the way to 11th grade. This is literally the first year I haven't been bullied (well a lot) so maybe that had something to do with how I act? No idea.
I'm just so unhappy and unsatisfied. I hate myself. I'm losing so much willpower and drive to keep strong and fake emotions. Sorry I have literally no one to talk to about these things. No associates or anything. So I just vent on something sometimes...
I think i wanna get better. not sure how but i do. i've thought of suicide so much for the past few weeks that idk what i'm gonna do.