This is excellent feedback, thank you!
You're right people grow and change, like the seasons, and I also feel people should take that into consideration before pronouncing a marriage oath. The reason I did this song and dance for the last 10 yrs was because I wanted to honour the oath that I took. Also, I did try dating others and was miserable, longing for my ex the whole time. I truly am happier when I'm with him, which is why I put myself through this absurdity.
I agree the most with this part of your response -
He has no reason to treat you better, when he can get what he wants without changing.
You are
so bang on. Although it took all the strength I had, it was only the times when I walked away that he came back a new and improved version. I'm scared if I do it again, he won't come back, and I'll return to the miserable state I was in without him.
I agree this is not the ideal situation to bring up a child, but it feels like the only alternative would be to grow old and alone while he is off with his new bride and child, while all I have are memories of my happiest days being with him while he was acting more sane.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Erebos
First of all I would like to say I don't believe most men are polygamous, I do however believe that not all relationships are supposed to last forever. People change and grow and they don't always want the same things, but rather than admit it's done and let it go. Grieve and the move on they carry on trying to fit a square peg in a round hole, usually damaging themselves in the process.
Also not to be judgemental, but after 10 years of singing back and forth, is this a healthy example of a relationship to bring a child up in?
You sound an intelligent woman so I believe you know this situation only persists because you allow it. If you are content with the status quo, by all means carry on.
If you want an equal, loving committed relationship with a man who wants to raise his child as a family, maybe addressing the why you feel it's ok to be this man's rebound.He has no treason to treat you better, when he can get what he wants without changing.
I would be uncomfortable not knowing what he had been doing while we are apart, and worry about the risk of catching an sti.
I hope you find contentment and happiness regardless of what you choose to do. Do think carefully about what your relationship will look like to your son or daughter and what it will teach them about relationships.
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