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Originally Posted by Mr. Stranger
I imagine you need to connect with people, but still I don't see where is the problem with people if you work well with them (I assume your frustration is from people, and exaggerated by stress, as I understand). Do you have difficult time making personal talk but it's easier if it's about something specific and formal, for example? I will give an example, I was a chanter in a Church, and I was asked to train a group of people (I learned alone). I couldn't teach them. Not because I didn't know how to chant and teach, but because they didn't want only to learn how to chant. They wanted to have side talks, to comment on things, to laugh, to be silly ... etc. I cannot do these things others do. I had a specific mission, and I wanted to do it. Period. That's how my mind works. But it seems for others everything is a social activity/event before it's anything else. Thus I failed, and I quit after two lessons. Do you relate to this?
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I only say I work well with people because I do my job as a musician well and I'm prepared and professional. The problem is, I don't connect to many people on a personal level and frequently people choose people over me that are less professional and are lacking skill wise. There's various reasons for it, but they're all political (how people relate to other people). It could just be because I'm in an area that's very corrupt, I don't know. As a composer/arranger, there's a whole bunch of social sorcery and marketing skills involved that I'm not sure I understand...I've heard people just go around telling others they know and have some connection to (or can connect with them through conversation) that they write music. And what do you know, these other people make films and they need a composer. I don't know how these people even know about these parties...I assume you'd have to have friends first to get and make the connections you need to make a living.
Not having many connections is going to make it next to impossible to even have my dissertation piece performed...I'm basically going to have to ask/beg strangers to rehearse and play on a piece for free because the school (and it's brand new 8 million endowment) doesn't have money for grants for conductors and composers to pay their musicians. So you have to pay them yourself or beg. Or have a lot of friends/connections.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr. Stranger
I have a tendency to keep editing. I don't write a paper very well from the first draft because I know I will do some editing. But after 2-3 revisions, I submit the paper, even if the deadline is a month ahead, because otherwise I'll keep editing, and it's exhausting for me mentally. I do this constantly here. It takes me very long to write posts. I think that you are more likely to have ASD than ADHD. You mentioned you partner's mother do research on the topic. Could she know if you have ASD? Also you mentioned social anxiety. How anxious are you around people?
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Since her field is education, maybe, but isn't that more in the realm of psychiatry or neurology? My understanding is she did research 30 years ago and since she works with children, I'm not sure if she could conclusively tell with an adult she never knew as a child? I really don't know.
I've also been slightly more comfortable interacting with people a generation older than me than my peers. Apparently as a child, I wouldn't really play with other children (unless they were older) because I didn't understand how they interacted with each other. So I think I preferred talking to adults because they could talk intelligently instead of running around screaming.
I ended up being placed in kindergarten right after I turned 5 which is really early compared to the average age of children. I was very emotionally immature. I had never gone to preschool so I went through separation anxiety (if that's the correct term) because I'd never had been away from my mom. I didn't know how to interact with other kids, but my parents started me that early because I was already so far ahead of the other kids intellectually that they were afraid I'd be really bored. I ended up being tested for the gifted program a year earlier than what was normal, so about two years age wise difference all in all. I never fit in with the other kids because I was too young AND too intelligent. I didn't even fit in with the gifted kids. Maybe it was because they were all pretty, rich, and popular.
The only place I ever sort of belonged was band...so that's what led me to be a musician. But I still haven't truly found my group...