Who wouldn't be? You're clearly intelligent and able to process the implications and questions that come from hearing one has bipolar disorder. I've gotten rather obsessive recently as well. The good news is that in 2004 when I was first diagnosed with transformed migraine, I also became obsessive and wondered about the nature of my self (including consider whether I had a lower grade bipolar disorder or cyclothymia since I found out they're related genetically to migraine and other stuff in my family like epilepsy). It seemed so all encompassing, I was "defective" and this was brutal on my self image and ability to enjoy life because my confidence and belief in myself was a huge part of that in addition to socializing.

I had a great 10 years on Lexapro, just 10 mg, and the day soon came when I'd look back on that time period and just couldn't believe how awful it had been without me fully aware of how bad it was. Because life got so much better. I hardly ever thought of myself in negative terms. That's only been upset recently cause I had a period of creativity that led to insomnia and a crash which was deemed "hypomania" and we've been going through med changes and my sleep schedule is now alien to me (I'm an extreme night owl now going to bed around 1 and waking at 8:30 or 9).