Acceptance

Met with my therapist today who wants me to work on self-acceptance, accepting myself for who I am and not worrying so much about a 'label'. This is not an easy task to say the least. I've spent so much of my life being self critical because I was always told by my peers (not my family) that I would never amount to anything and that I would always be a loner. How does one become accepting of who they are? That's the question.

When I was in junior high school, my guidance counselor told me I would grow up to be a bum because I couldn't tell her what I wanted to be when I grew up. Thing is... I was too busy running for my life from the gang of thugs who wanted to extinguish my existence. But Doris didn't really care about details like that. (Neither did anyone else for that matter.)

Sadly, in a lot of ways, Doris turned out to be right... sort-of a self-fulfilling prophecy I guess you might say. I don't know how one becomes accepting of who they are. Personally, my goal at this point is simply to achieve acceptance, not of myself, but just of the way things are... because I can't change them.

I had a guidance counselor in HS who pretty much said the same thing and actually tried to convince my parents that I needed to be held back a year.

Why am I continuing to obsess over this??? UGH!!! It shouldn't be this hard.

Who wouldn't be? You're clearly intelligent and able to process the implications and questions that come from hearing one has bipolar disorder. I've gotten rather obsessive recently as well. The good news is that in 2004 when I was first diagnosed with transformed migraine, I also became obsessive and wondered about the nature of my self (including consider whether I had a lower grade bipolar disorder or cyclothymia since I found out they're related genetically to migraine and other stuff in my family like epilepsy). It seemed so all encompassing, I was "defective" and this was brutal on my self image and ability to enjoy life because my confidence and belief in myself was a huge part of that in addition to socializing.

I had a great 10 years on Lexapro, just 10 mg, and the day soon came when I'd look back on that time period and just couldn't believe how awful it had been without me fully aware of how bad it was. Because life got so much better. I hardly ever thought of myself in negative terms. That's only been upset recently cause I had a period of creativity that led to insomnia and a crash which was deemed "hypomania" and we've been going through med changes and my sleep schedule is now alien to me (I'm an extreme night owl now going to bed around 1 and waking at 8:30 or 9).

Thank you for your comment. I've always had a hard time accepting who I am, it's not just since my BP diagnosis. A good portion of it stems from the fact that I was born with a birth defect (Spina Bifida) which in turn causes me a lot of neurological and urological issues. I spent a good portion of my childhood alone because it seemed as if other kids didn't want me around. Kids were constantly picking on me, and even some teachers. I've tried hard to let it go, but I just keep holding that grudge.

Some of these stories are breaking my heart. (((Hugs to all those who are mistreated)))

When my oldest son was in kindergarten. His teacher called a meeting a said my son talks a lot in class, is fidgety and disruptive. She said "I've seen his type before and he will end up in prison". My son has a medical condition which accounts for the fidgets and I was so pissed at that teacher. I asked her if she was familiar with self fullfilling prophecy and how it can be forced onto the person you judge. I told her that if she believed my son was a criminal waiting to happen, she was obviously treating him as such and this could CAUSE him to behave and fulfill her own prophecy. I was livid and should have gotten her azz fired.

My youngest son is VERY smart but he has aspergers ....he has coordination issues due to abnormalities in his tendons. His guidance counselors are telling him his aptitude shows he should be a welder or waiter as a career and really needs to make a decision on which of those directions he wants to go into. Working with fire with his coordination is ridiculous....carrying plates is just as silly. My son plans to go to college next year, take classes he enjoys and THEN decide what he wants or is capable of doing.

Regarding acceptance of self....sometimes I'm very good at it. I've accomplished a lot. I'm compassionate and caring, loving, intelligent and many other good things. I'm working on getting better in a 360 degree perspective. I fall sometimes but I get back up and learn what I can from the fall. Sometimes, especially when depressed I can't accept myself but I've come to "accept" that as part of the illness which is not 100% in my control. So acceptance is a back and forth thing for me and I just have to "accept" that reality. ((((Hugs)))

Thank you for this perspective