You are certainly not alone in having a desire to drink safely rather than having a desire to stop, but your mention of "too much in a sitting like a whole six pack for a 130 lb female... or one and half bottles of wine" sounds like you are not going to be able to do that. Some drinkers actually can "cut back" to safely having just one or two drinks per day for the effect, but not the remainder of us. A.A. does not try to convince or motivate people to want to stop drinking, of course, but maybe someone there can help you begin coming to terms with the hard fact that for us to continue drinking is to continue dying. Being sober while still in our natural states is also unbearable, however, so there is where the Steps can begin bringing "happy, joyous and free" into view!