How do you get help when you don't want to stop drinking

Hi,
I am 37 years old and I have been drinking since I was around 20. It started gradually, my friends would drink but I wasn't too interested. Then I started drinking on the weekends. I think I drank every weekend until I got a dui about three years ago. I stopped drinking for two months. Then I started up again....I drink very heavily when I drink now and I used to drink 3 or 4...it got bad after I became depressed because of an illness...now I hate my behavior when I drink...also the dui....I get in fights too sometimes..i ended up in holding cells twice.... I need to go to aa...I have been to a couple meetings but stopped because I didn't want to stop drinking...I still don't but hate my behavior on it and drink much more now, once or twice a week but too much in a sitting like a whole six pack for a 130 lb female... or one and half bottles of wine...plus I am sick with Lymes and drinking is so bad for me...but I still enjoy it very much and its hard ... how do I stop?

I also want to say I'm not a bad person, I mean the reason why I get in the fights are from psychological and emotional pain...I am trying to find help for these things too

I have also smoked weed in the past for about three years but I stopped about 12 years ago. I also snorted cocaine occasionally but stopped all of it about 6 years ago.. I also used to steal my moms pain pills and take them occasionally but wasn't doing them all the time...she noticed they were missing but didn't knw it was me,....I don't think

You don't need to stop to go to meetings, just have a desire to stop. Just don't show up intoxicated. Find a way to stay in contact with sober people to build your motivation. You sound like you're ambivalent about this. That typically means the first task is to resolve your mixed feelings about what your goals regarding drinking are. My suggestion is that you start as soon as possible. Things typically get worse the longer it goes on unchecked. Anything you can do or a willing to do is better than not doing anything. At some point, you may be forced to stop drinking at which time your options become very limited and defined by someone else.

Ok...I will probably attend a meeting this week and discuss my issues. Thanks for replying

You are certainly not alone in having a desire to drink safely rather than having a desire to stop, but your mention of "too much in a sitting like a whole six pack for a 130 lb female... or one and half bottles of wine" sounds like you are not going to be able to do that. Some drinkers actually can "cut back" to safely having just one or two drinks per day for the effect, but not the remainder of us. A.A. does not try to convince or motivate people to want to stop drinking, of course, but maybe someone there can help you begin coming to terms with the hard fact that for us to continue drinking is to continue dying. Being sober while still in our natural states is also unbearable, however, so there is where the Steps can begin bringing "happy, joyous and free" into view!

Good luck, Angel!

You recognize that alcohol isn't good for you, that takes courage to see the handwriting on the wall. It's a logical progression to think of AA, it has helped so many people!! I think it would be helpful for you. It sure helped me. Go to some meetings, see what you think. You don't have to say a word if you don't want to. Just listen, you will hear about yourself in what others say. Go to at least 5 meetings before you make any decisions. Good luck!

Thanks everyone