Misssy2 - I feel your pain. I lived for 7 years with an alcohol abuser. I tried tossing him out. I even gave him the security and first month's rent on an apartment of his own. He ended up on the street and showed up at my doorstep . . . destitute. So I let him back in. Eventually, I couldn't take the drunk-every-second-night B.S. I decided it would be easier for me to leave him. I did. For a week I was heart-broken. Then I found myself absolutely delighted to be living alone. At the time I was 41. Sometimes I was lonely, but I vastly preferred the new peace in my life to the turmoil I got rid of.

Since the house is yours, you can't leave him. (Though you might do some serious thinking as to whether that house is really the best place for you, going forward.) I was with a 53 y. o. substance abuser, and - no - you can't "help" him "figure his life out." I tried that . . . to no avail.

You see he's already got it figured out just fine, as far as he's concerned. He's got you to shelter him. That's what he's figured out. He figures that's working just fine, and he sees no need to change.

But, if you toss him out, he'll have to "figure" something else out. You might want to just let that be his problem. He's 53, not 83. He'll survive. It's a very hard thing to turn someone away from your door whom you've been close with. Take in some Alanon meetings and read some of their literature. Substance abuse is substance abuse. What they teach helped me a lot. I learned that you have to respect the right of another adult to screw up his life as much as he will. He's trying to figure out how to get over in life without really being responsible for himself. He's going to waste a lot of time getting nowhere. You don't have to take that trip with him.