Because my heart has been closed for some time, so I wanted to apologize about things for a change, so I can finally express my heart.
As for returning the books, it's complicated. From loneliness, I miss that best friend...'s good sides and I've had hidden feelings for him. So I also left a little emotional note with them. As objective as I've been, I could never be subjective... the subjective me, my subjective potential...

I didn't really want to close those relationships... I wish they could go on, especially the one with the co-worker. But her avoidance of meeting up and his change to become a reckless arguer have made me take the difficult decisions of going a little angry/upset with her and cutting the relationship cold-turkey with him.

I've been feeling like a crap person because I hardly have any friends now. I have a selected few. If I were a good person I'd keep my friends. Most friendships ended because I left because I'd feel hurt or disconnected.

This all could be my mood that could use venting, yet I have no one to vent to. I don't want to post it here because I don't want to put a burden and it's off-topic