The day I take pride in myself is the day I eat my hat. I won't, because I don't actually own a nice hat. I should get a hat. A nice one.
In all seriousness though, the depression is feeding off the ptsd, which feeds off the depression and so it continues..
I'm mostly on autopilot if I'm not having a breakdown. It's a horrible feeling, knowing that I go around my day without much conscious input for the decisions I make. It's scary. The others have been helping recently, and co-concious seems to be working well if a bit unstable at times.
My mood is flat today, I've not been feeling much at all, but I do fear the next wave. Each one seems to be getting longer and it's more difficult holding my breath for that long, without filling them with darkness and letting it take over completely.

This is terrifying, and I'm scared of myself.