Sometimesthe other person doesnt know how to put in words that they are feeling suffocated by the needyness on anothers abandonment issues & knows that whatever they say will be taken the wrong way so the sadly the easiesy way is to take a break & see howthey themselves anslyze the situation durjng the break, leaving it open ended. The sad thing is that many times the needyness to not be abandonded pushes people away because it can become overwhelming & its not easy to express to the person that is how they are being effected by them & is usually met with defensiveness.....which just adds to their need to be away & doesnt fix it.

I have a friend with abandonment issues & constantly needs assurance that her friends are there. It was a whole new experience to deal with a friend like that. I dearly LOVE her but I was used to being alone & independent & had NEVER experienced a friend like that. I moved here from a bad marriage & knew no one but got very active in my community & activities in many areas. Last week I was dealing with a migraine & was in bed when I wasnt forcing myself to do things I really needed to do. When we talked (I always need hours free for our phone conversations between getting together) her comment was that I should have texted her I wasfeeling lousy with a migraine. Honestly that was the last thing I felt like doing.

Putting expectations on others to ease our issues may NOT be the best thing for them. Honoring their boundaries is justvas important as getting our own needs met & even more important forusto understand when its our needs that are causing them to set their boundaries.

There are just some things in life that no matter HOW they are handled will cause an issue or hurt of some kind.

I would suggest getting into DBT therapy. Learn distress tolerance skills. Get involved with activities that dont put so much demands on your friends to keep assuring you that they havent abandoned you because that can become quite overwhelming to them & push them away rather than keeping them there as a REAL FRIEND when they feel like they are only being used....that feeling gets old real quick & thats when boundaries end up being put in place....boundaries that we cause to be set by our own needyness to not be abandoned.

Its tough when we realize that its our behavior that is causing the problem....not theirs & in realuty we are the one that needs to work on change....especially when we see this as a repeating situation in our lives when trying to keep friends.

Be well....get some good therapy to really start working on yourvabandonment issues & how to better relate to friends without allwing your abandonment issues to get in theway of real friendships. i understand the struggle & the work it takes to honestly deal with the issues