I'm aware that he's incredibly defensive. I'm aware that underneath it all he is deeply afraid. Still a little boy.

But I do not believe that he will ever 'break the habit', I do not believe that he will ever change... He has never showed any signs of changing and I have begged him, over and over again, not to lie to me. I have told him how much it hurts me. When he insists on carrying on it feels like gaslighting.

I really don't need to be encouraged to feel sorry for him. It's part of what's keeping me with him, and it's not a good reason to stay with him at all. I know that he's broken inside. I don't want to spend the rest of my life trying to fix him.

I used to be a liar myself. To a massive extent. I did change, and now honesty is extremely important to me.

I've only just woken up and I'm crying already. Today is going to be a good day.