Quote:
Originally Posted by subtle lights
Thanks. This may sound ungrateful (I'm not intending it to be) but I've done somehing similar already. It worked somewhat (or so I thought) until it didn't. I think first we need to recogise where we are at and accept that and then change comes if it's the right time. We cannot force it.
This is why I'm usually relucant of giving pure advice. I think being with the pain and validating the person is more important in most cases. When you cannot move you cannot move. If there is someone supportive with you though, that might actually help to seek out change.
But some people might just want pure advice, I don't know.
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Generally I do give supportive commentary as well - this time I did not and I apologize. I am not entirely sure why I did not I cannot remember my thought process but that doesn't matter - the point is, I am sorry to have overlooked the most important part of responding to these posts - human connection and heartfelt compassion. Your response to the poster of this thread reminded me of parts of my past. I went through years of abuse at the hands of people I loved and trusted - different people at different times. I also went through violent trauma and severe enotional (but non-abusive) trauma. Because most of those things occurred between the ages of 12-19, I understood myself to be no good, nothing, unworthy of love, a quitter, I was stupid, ugly, and other people's stepping stone. In fact, I accepted that idea of me. I was ok with it. I was only miserable with the life it meant I was to lead. But because it had been ingrained in me since I was 12 that this was who I was, there was nobody that was going to convince me otherwise. Oh, it was good to hear occasionally - but that's all it ever was, a very rare occassion. So why believe it anyway? I kept getting in one abusive relationship after another even after I turned 20. Seemed I must somehow deserve abuse - right? Even more reason to believe all those things about myself. It wasn't until I wound up in a domestic violence shelte a couple years ago and someone told me over and over ...how good and strong and valued I am. She also told me I needed to believe it, not just hear it. The thing with doing things like I described is you need to go into it with a positive attitude that "this is going to work because it's true". It's also true that later in life you will have experiences that will cause you to question those things again. At that point, you look at yourself and ask yourself - is there anything I have changed about me since I learned I am a good person? is there anything I (not anyone else) would like to change about me to make me happier? how can i make those changes (if there are any)?
I stand by my conviction that you are strong and that I believe in you.
(Sorry I wrote most of this last night but lost connection)