Quote:
Originally Posted by Moment
I really respect the work you are doing.
I have a few thoughts.
One is that the relationship with your MC is not happening in a vacuum. Your husband is right there, yes, as it is marriage counseling?
Sometimes transference can operate as a distraction. Like, we obsess about the therapist so we don't think about other things....and in this context I wonder if you are making as much effort on understanding your dynamics with your husband as with your marriage counselor, and focusing as much on the inner life of your husband as your therapist.
The other thing....the "maybe I love her more than you"--that is very difficult and I am sorry for that.
But could your husband be getting a similar message, from you, about your marriage counselor?
If any off this seems off base, I apologize and mean no offense. I just know that I can get caught up in thinking about my relationship with my therapist and, while I do learn from that, I sometimes think I dwell on it instead of concentrating on the people in my life that I need to do relationship worth with.
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Thanks for sharing your thoughts--my initial reaction was to get a bit defensive, but then I thought more about what you were saying. There's definitely something to that--and I know it bothers H at times that I think about MC so much. Hes seemed more acccpting of it lately, I think because I've Tried to explain it to him, as has MC. And I've also been trying to work on the marriage more, which I think H has noticed.
I think in some ways the stuff in my past that led to the transference has also caused problems in my current and past relationships. Stuff that makes me put walls up with people I'm close to, including H. The fact that I'm letting walls down so much with MC is a big deal and has led to me letting some walls down in real life (with H, friends, etc.)
I feel like if I could really work through the transference and come out on the other side--and I think I'm making more progress lately--then it will help all of my real-life relationships. Of course, it's not so helpful if I lose my H in the process...
I just need to maintain a balance I think and also be open with H about what I'm feeling and how working through this should ultimately help me to be a better wife and mother--and a more "present" one, which is a word H has used multiple times in session, like saying he just wants me to be more present when I'm with him and D. I think I've been doing bette with that too but definitely could always improve.