Quote:
Originally Posted by ElsaMars
I am so sorry for all you are going through. My heart breaks for you. My story is very similar but also different. I relate oh so much to feeling everyone blames you for being sick...knowing it's illogical but blaming yourself for it too. It's so hard and I'm so sorry. When my husband raises his voice my body goes wacky and in so much pain he might as well have hit me like my ex did, do I relate to that also. I cannot stand yelling so I'm overly passive which doesn't work out either. Uggg. (((Hugs)))
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Yeah, I have three modes of operation when he gets mad - even when I KNOW he's not mad at me - flight (my preference), fight, or freeze. I usually end up with 'freeze' because flight usually isn't an option, and I simply will not become one of "Them" and start hitting people.
We spent a very long time on Saturday talking about all of this, and we really made a lot of progress. I told him the next time I 'shut down' to ask me why I've shut down to see if it will bring me out of it. I can't initiate anything, so I'll just suffer in silence (I suspect you do, too) for days if not weeks or months, but if he asks, it might be enough to get me out of my own head. I won't know for sure until it happens again, but he has promised, very sincerely, that he will never betray my trust ever again. I don't think it's possible for a human being to be that perfect, but just the fact that he's working hard to make the effort is enough to make me feel better.
But I'm still scared.
