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Originally Posted by Mr. Stranger
I crave human connection, but I don't know how to socialize.
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Same for me.
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Originally Posted by Mr. Stranger
My emotions [think] I don't deserve things are because of my past experiences... People push me away when I try to socialize. I know it is because of my lack of social skills.
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No, it is because those people are not acting as they should, and the fault is theirs even if they push you away because they lack knowledge or do not understand...and again, drop the idea of mere emotions drawing intellectual conclusions.
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Originally Posted by Mr. Stranger
I don't seem to be able to talk and act as a normal human being.
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There is no single "normal" for everyone; your "normal" is as normal for you as mine is for me.
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Originally Posted by Mr. Stranger
I also [suspect] my mind doesn't work as a normal person. I don't understand things as others do. May be I am on the autistic spectrum. I don't know.
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I happen to be on the autism spectrum (Asperger Syndrone), and that is certainly a possibility. No two Aspies are ever identical, of course, but a lack of social and emotional intelligence is not at all uncommon. Do not expect other people to understand you, do not expect them to even really care and do not expect to find any magical pill or cure to make you like other people. Instead, learn about yourself as you actually are -- leave all emotion out of that -- and then learn how to do the basics of human interaction by approaching people while having their needs and interests rather than your own in mind. All people have the same overall inherent needs, instincts, desires and ambitions, and success in life is found in our learning how to contribute toward meeting them for others rather than for ourselves.