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Originally Posted by rainbow8
mona, I don't know what could be your T's problem but it's something. I always thought it strange that she is a T yet doesn't seem to care about her appearance. It could mean nothing or it could be a red flag. Now with these new developments, I wonder. I so much want you to have a good T!! She may be going through some health problems. I think you should ask if she's okay, that you're worried about her, without going into detail. Listen to your gut feeling! When I asked my T if her marriage was okay, I knew! We are very perceptive about out T's! I can't quite figure yours out, though. Even before this thread, I feel afraid of her. Maybe she's psychic. Maybe she's brilliant. Maybe she's sick. Maybe she's a combination. I hope you find out soon if there's something wrong and if your therapy can continue or not. Hugs!
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It is very strange and she is the only t I know who doesn't care about her appearance. In a way that drew me to her. She is the exact opposite of ex t, who used to wear bright red lipstick, dye her hair pitch black and be dolled up to the nines.
I liked that she was so natural and didn't have anything to hide, so I thought. I liked her because she didn't care what anybody else thought about her. She was ok being the strange woman with the Wiley hair who lives in the mountain. She was kind of a white witch. She knows things about me before I tell her, it's like she looks through your soul and perhaps the burden of that is too much and so she drinks. I don't mind if she drinks I would be more worried about her health and why she was drinking so much. I am afraid to ask her if she is ok because I don't want to cross her boundaries. We are both very respectful of boundaries and privacy with each other!
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Originally Posted by stopdog
I have known therapists who were not concerned about their appearance. What difference does it make? I mean - for me, they need to not smell (but I don't get close enough to them that I could tell) - but that is about it. They could wear sweat pants for all I care.
It might be something to talk about - how OP worries about therapists or wants to take care of them - but how they dress etc is not up to anyone else I don't think.
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It doesn't bother me how she dresses although it is very peculiar. I often wondered if she was buried in the woods for years and suddenly rose up again. Her clothes are very unique and that's ok with me. It is unusual for therapists to dress like her and to really not care. They tell other people not to care but really they do care, that's why they dress up, it's to compensate for their insecurities!
I do need to look after my therapists, it really became clear with ex t! I haven't noticed with this t until now because she has never said anything personal.
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Originally Posted by Xynesthesia
I am someone who dealt with a serious drinking problem in the past and can confidently say that all those signs can indeed be associated with alcoholism but, as others said, they can also be many other things. I definitely neglected my appearance and had many peculiar, secretive behaviors when I was drinking (never on the job though), and was holding a high profile position. I also did the drunk emailing thing a lot, it was one of the most disturbing and shameful part of my condition. People did suspect all kinds of things based on the emails and the secretive behavior including psychosis or DID... except addiction. I don't easily see how she could be confronted about any of these things that you mentioned except being confused about your emails, if there is no more to it that affects you directly, mona. What would you say? If she did have those issues actively, she would most likely just deny it to you or use your concerns as "therapy material". Also, would you really want to dig into your T's potential problems again, like with the old one?
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Exactly, that's just it! It isn't my business but I am concerned about her. I feel a need to ask her if she is ok. I really just need to know that she is ok, I couldn't bare having to look after this t like ex t. I have no doubt in my mind that this would not allow it. She has very strong boundaries which have been very helpful.
I am sorry you had to go through all of that. It must be really hard hiding your drinking. I imagine it's like having a double life.
I don't want to confront her, I want to help her. Did anyone ever confront you about your drinking and was it helpful?
I imagine confrontation is not helpful but supporting them is.
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Originally Posted by rainbow8
stopdog, it's not casual dress that bothers me. Sweatpants or jeans even. It's that professionals in my opinion should look neat and not unkempt. No makeup and hair simple is okay, but no one should go to work in a professional occupation ( forget what you think of T's on the whole!) looking like they haven't combed their hair in a week! I got the impression Mona's T is like that, but I could be wrong.
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Yeah she is like someone from Anne of Green gables with messy hair.
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Originally Posted by kecanoe
Late night emails would not concern me. Like SD and others said, some people are night owls. I like email precisely because I can email at weird times and not disrupt people.
T3 sees her first client at 1:30 pm, and her last session is at 8:30. She always runs late; I see her at 8:30 so we can run over (her suggestion) and I have left there as late as 10:30.
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This is a possibility too! Thank you