What would you do if you suspected your t was an alcoholic

I have always said how my new t was dishevelled and her hair unruly. Well this week I really became quite concerned about her.
She emails back late at night and says she doesn't sleep, in her email some things were mixed up and she got confused like she hadn't write them when I asked her about it. T then said we should not email anymore and just ring each other, well this weekend she looked terrible. I had never seen her in a dress and wondered about her figure because she wears very baggy clothes. Her belly was really bloated and in her bathroom she has lots of mouthwash. When I ask to use her bathroom she checks it's ok first but I hear her putting things away. Maybe my imagination is running wild and I put 2 and 2 together and got 5!

That is very strange.

I suppose you could confront your T if you find it bothersome.

Personally, I would be quite bothered by her actions/behavior in general. If she's indeed stashing booze, can you smell it in the bathroom? I wouldn't go through her stuff because maybe she's not hiding alcohol at all, but it's okay to sniff around IMO.

Does she smoke? If she does, then maybe she brushes her teeth to get the cigarette stuff out of her mouth and uses mouthwash instead of chewing gum, since it's not not exactly "professional" of her to be chewing gum while she does sessions. (I'm just trying to play devil's advocate.)

I would not see a therapist who had an active substance abuse problem.

Confront her, and if you are not satisfied, consider finding someone else.

Everything you say could also be attributed to a serious health issue, especially gastrointestinal (bloating, insomnia, mouthwash would take away the taste of bile, poor self-care, medication could cause confusion). The fact that she puts stuff away in the bathroom and not some other room suggests that too. Generally alcoholics who live alone don't keep booze in the bathroom. You haven't seen any alcohol or smelled it judging by your post.

Regardless of what it is, it affects her job performance, and you two should discuss it.

I don't think she smokes, well I have never smelt it off her or in her house. She lives with her husband on a farm but she spends most of her time in the office alone which makes me wonder if she is hiding alcohol. I don't have a very astute sense of smell and if she was drinking I would never smell it. I never thought of a health issue. She did mention being sick years ago, perhaps there is something seriously wrong with her. Her throat is very scratchy and hoarse, maybe that's the drink too, she is an addiction therapist

A friend of mine has pretty severe inflammatory bowel disease which causes diarrhea etc. She will often check the bathroom before letting anyone use it to make sure there is no lingering smell and the toilet is clean. She also looks bloated and disheveled when she is having a flare. If never jump to addiction as the first possibility in that situation

Given that information, I see exactly what you mean now. Obviously she may not be an alcoholic at all (it could be anything, really), but I cannot blame you for being concerned about that. It would cross my mind too as a possibility, but I guess all we can do is come up with possibilities. Could be IBS, could be some health condition, etc.. You'll probably never know unless she really wants to tell you, but if she's hiding things in the bathroom, I would think she doesn't want to talk about it, whatever it is.

Sorry this is happening to you. Whether she has an addiction problem or not, her problem should not be your problem IMO. You don't have to bluntly ask her about possible alcoholism (because that can come across as accusatory), but you can say that you noticed things have been "different" lately and that you're concerned about her wellbeing.

I would not jump to alcoholic from those symptoms. I would go to illness. My person was like that due to chemo etc

The thing about emailing you late at night is concerning IMO. Why should a T be emailing their client at all, unless it is specifically agreed for support in a particular circumstance? Let alone late at night and then not remembering what she said.
Whether or not it's due to addiction or an illness, I think it's quite a concerning thing in therapy. I think clients need to be able to have a level of trust in their T and not have to worry about erratic behaviour. Maybe it's worth raising with her. I think if it was me I would try to find another T.

I don't think I would jump to alcoholism here...

I'd confront her about your feelings, but I would approach it as more of a "I'm finding myself preoccupied by my concern about you, and here are the things that are concerning me..." rather than "I think you're an alcoholic..." although, maybe you should confront that too. Hm. IDK.

Have you had issues in the past with people with substance abuse problems? I'm just thinking maybe some projection....

Speaking as an alcoholic with many years of AA meetings, I don't think that I would conclude alcoholism from the symptoms you describe. If she was hiding booze, it wouldn't make sense that she leaves it out in the bathroom. Most alcoholics are sneakier than that.

Does she remember what happens in session? Or have good notes? If it is just a matter of her not remembering late night emails, I would do as she suggested and speak by phone rather than email. If sessions go ok, then I wouldn't concern myself with her seeming to be messy and ill. If sessions go badly, I would seek someone else. I don't think I would confront her based on the symptoms you have observed. It seems to me that it could be anything from simple insomnia and a messy bathroom to illness.

When I can't sleep I often email responses to students or grade online. I have two colleagues who served in the navy and regularly send the bulk of their emails at 3-4 am because they've been disciplined to getting up early.

A midnight therapy session would be totally worrisome. Midnight emails much less so if it is a response to an email written earlier.

I have never really known any alcoholics so I can't know exactly what they do. She doesn't strike me as an alcoholic, a little alternative alright but not an alcoholic. She has her issues, she has shared a little bit of her struggles and has a lot of trauma.
In relation to the email, she forgot a main detail which I thought was very strange but she is a very strange woman. I really hope she is not an alcoholic.

Are you sure you are not just looking for problems with this one? I mean, if she is really confused at your appointments, then find a new one - but there are a lot of illnesses which could cause the symptoms and not have any real bearing on the appointments. I would not notice a therapist who was disheveled - but again - many illnesses could do that. The bloating could be from a prescription drug (my person was on great doses of prednisone for example), her chemo caused forgetfulness, and general fatigue caused some dishevelment. Also the chemo caused her to be very very cold all the time so she wore coats and hats even in the dead of summer.

Given her one long fingernail, I'd be more suspicious of a coke problem.

Sounds like she could have some sort of impairment or health issue going on but there's probably no way for you to find out what it is exactly. Will you tell her you are concerned or just wait and see what happens?

Thanks - yes, I had missed that these were replies to emails sent by Mona. I read it at first that T was sending emails late at night just off her own bat - that would worry me! I guess when it's in response to something that was sent by the client it's more like sorting out the business of the day as you say, some people do that late.
I realise it may be ok for some people but I think personally it would still worry me. When I was working as a teacher I saw a lot of people burn out and then go long term sick. Some never returned to teaching and some never returned to work at all. In that situation I remember that late-night emails were a bad sign. But yes maybe it works fine for some people.

I tend to work late at night. I am not a morning person but it is not unusual for me to answer emails after midnight. It is not because I have been working for 20 hours straight -but more because it is the time after I have walked the dogs, done house stuff, etc and before I go to bed. It is more unusual for me to reply at 9am than at 1:00 am.

I would be concerned about her not sleeping and sending a mixed up email, and not remembering it. I think therapy can have very powerful effects on some clients (I think that you and I are both in that category?) and that a T needs to be really together to make the therapy relationship a good one that is helpful. I suspect that my first and second T's weren't together enough, and I think that meant that their stuff affected my therapy, I think it meant that when there were difficulties they got defensive and had their emotions and so couldn't stay steady for me. I think you have quite a lot of doubts about this T. Which is a terrible shame, as I know you found it hard to find a new T. Your gut feeling about her may be right.

Yes, Therapy has a real effect on me, especially the therapist on their behaviour. I guess I am looking for something bad about her, I do realise that but there is also all of these facts that aren't speculation.
She could be sick, maybe she does or did have cancer. She doesn't strike me as being sick but then I don't really know her. She could be going through chemo or something awful. I dont know and I feel bad for bringing this up. Maybe she is breaking up with her husband and living in her office/ house thing. She has been through a lot, we recognise that in each other, we have a respect for each other and I dont want to cross her boundaries. I am worried about her.

My observations for what they are worth - I see 2 things here... the first being you looking for something wrong with her so perhaps you could leave this relationship OR you looking for something wrong with her so you could take care of her. I think both of these are in your nature and might be play here so it might not actually be an either/or situation.

mona, I don't know what could be your T's problem but it's something. I always thought it strange that she is a T yet doesn't seem to care about her appearance. It could mean nothing or it could be a red flag. Now with these new developments, I wonder. I so much want you to have a good T!! She may be going through some health problems. I think you should ask if she's okay, that you're worried about her, without going into detail. Listen to your gut feeling! When I asked my T if her marriage was okay, I knew! We are very perceptive about out T's! I can't quite figure yours out, though. Even before this thread, I feel afraid of her. Maybe she's psychic. Maybe she's brilliant. Maybe she's sick. Maybe she's a combination. I hope you find out soon if there's something wrong and if your therapy can continue or not. Hugs!

I have known therapists who were not concerned about their appearance. What difference does it make? I mean - for me, they need to not smell (but I don't get close enough to them that I could tell) - but that is about it. They could wear sweat pants for all I care.

It might be something to talk about - how OP worries about therapists or wants to take care of them - but how they dress etc is not up to anyone else I don't think.

stopdog, it's not casual dress that bothers me. Sweatpants or jeans even. It's that professionals in my opinion should look neat and not unkempt. No makeup and hair simple is okay, but no one should go to work in a professional occupation ( forget what you think of T's on the whole!) looking like they haven't combed their hair in a week! I got the impression Mona's T is like that, but I could be wrong.

Late night emails would not concern me. Like SD and others said, some people are night owls. I like email precisely because I can email at weird times and not disrupt people.

T3 sees her first client at 1:30 pm, and her last session is at 8:30. She always runs late; I see her at 8:30 so we can run over (her suggestion) and I have left there as late as 10:30.

I am someone who dealt with a serious drinking problem in the past and can confidently say that all those signs can indeed be associated with alcoholism but, as others said, they can also be many other things. I definitely neglected my appearance and had many peculiar, secretive behaviors when I was drinking (never on the job though), and was holding a high profile position. I also did the drunk emailing thing a lot, it was one of the most disturbing and shameful part of my condition. People did suspect all kinds of things based on the emails and the secretive behavior including psychosis or DID... except addiction. I don't easily see how she could be confronted about any of these things that you mentioned except being confused about your emails, if there is no more to it that affects you directly, mona. What would you say? If she did have those issues actively, she would most likely just deny it to you or use your concerns as "therapy material". Also, would you really want to dig into your T's potential problems again, like with the old one?