I have a therapist, but he doesn't respond to messages very quickly and he's on vacation so I don't see him until next week. My other therapist I don't see until next week either. I've had my first therapist in my life for nearly 7 years but nothing we've done has helped with the flashbacks, not yet.
I know she's only human, and that's exactly why I'm not mad at her for not being able to solve things all the time. It's also why I try to hide it from her when I am struggling, because I know she can only deal with so much but last night I was unfortunately honest.
I have a lot of help in my life but no one seems to understand the level of support that I need from them, so I'm trying to figure things out on how to help myself. She gets upset when I mention this though, because she's told me she wants to be there for me anytime I need help and in her own words: "I only feel good when I'm helping people, please let me help you." I try to explain to her that sometimes I'm just past the point of help and I need to let things pass and afterwards we can talk about it, but she gets upset then too. She feels like I think I can't trust her whenever I hide my issues from her.
Our relationship doesn't need saving, after talking to her this morning everything is fine. I tend to fear abandonment to an extreme and that's why I was so worried, but now I see that things are working out just fine and we're both feeling okay and nothing has changed.
Neither of us are upset with each other, and she doesn't feel upset at herself either which is good. There's no risk of either of us leaving, which is clear to me now.