I fear this may have changed things

I had a flashback last night. I've had quite a few since I started HRT, but none to the degree that this last one.
Since my girlfriend and I are long distance, she tries her best to help me ground myself when she can through a phone call. In the past this has worked well, I keep her on a speaker phone and do whatever she tells me to do in her grounding exercises. Last night was different. She did the usual grounding exercises, but I was completely unresponsive to them. I did what she said, but nothing helped bring me out of it until it went away on its own, and after it went away and my girlfriend continued the grounding exercises, I got ANGRY.
One of the ones that she used to tell me to do during flashbacks was taking a deep breath and holding it for 3 seconds while only focusing on the breath, but last night my brain was moving so fast that I couldn't only focus on the breath no matter how hard I tried. It took 5 minutes to take 5 breaths that I could even remotely focus on. Of course I was frustrated from not being able to do it properly, and I was frustrated that nothing was working like it used to.
I ended up snapping at my girlfriend, just acting very childish and insisting on going to bed because I was angry.
I made it clear that I wasn't angry at my girlfriend, I told her I was more frustrated at myself and the flashback than anything but she doesn't listen when it comes to stuff like that. No matter how much you tell her otherwise, she'll insist that your anger is directed at her and she'll apologize for being "useless." She dealt with a lot of emotional abuse at the hands of an ex girlfriend and her family as well, so she has a lot of feelings of inferiority. And this kind of stuff can affect her for a long time afterward.
I worry that my flashback and my reaction may have changed our dynamic. I don't want that. I don't want her to blame herself for things she couldn't have known but I don't know how to get her to stop doing that. I know I can't stop her myself, she has to be willing to try to stop and to get help.

I don't know, I'm just scared I guess. I dont want to have ruined everything.

Sounds like you have a very special girl. I think once you have calmed down and talk to her maybe you can work things out but you really need to talk to a professional to help you through this. She's only human and can take so much. If the tables were turned how would you feel? Also she can't be the one to always fix you when you have a panic attack, flash back, etc. That's where finding the help you need will let her be your girlfriend. At some point this may be a problem and she leave. I really hope you can talk with a professional and get some this straightened out where it makes more sense and save this relationship. I think you both will be happier in the long run.
Take care.

I have a therapist, but he doesn't respond to messages very quickly and he's on vacation so I don't see him until next week. My other therapist I don't see until next week either. I've had my first therapist in my life for nearly 7 years but nothing we've done has helped with the flashbacks, not yet.
I know she's only human, and that's exactly why I'm not mad at her for not being able to solve things all the time. It's also why I try to hide it from her when I am struggling, because I know she can only deal with so much but last night I was unfortunately honest.
I have a lot of help in my life but no one seems to understand the level of support that I need from them, so I'm trying to figure things out on how to help myself. She gets upset when I mention this though, because she's told me she wants to be there for me anytime I need help and in her own words: "I only feel good when I'm helping people, please let me help you." I try to explain to her that sometimes I'm just past the point of help and I need to let things pass and afterwards we can talk about it, but she gets upset then too. She feels like I think I can't trust her whenever I hide my issues from her.
Our relationship doesn't need saving, after talking to her this morning everything is fine. I tend to fear abandonment to an extreme and that's why I was so worried, but now I see that things are working out just fine and we're both feeling okay and nothing has changed.
Neither of us are upset with each other, and she doesn't feel upset at herself either which is good. There's no risk of either of us leaving, which is clear to me now.

That's awesome about the relationship. She sounds like a very special person and you too for understanding both sides. That's disappointing though that you don't feel like your therapist is helping you with the flashbacks. Have you brought this concern up to the therapist? That you don't feel like you are getting the help with the flashbacks? Is there another therapist you could see ? You are paying for help, and it they can't provide the help you need then they should help you find a therapist that can. Or like my situations, I have had to try a few others before I found someone that I could have a good relationship with and help me. So that may be an option.I really wish you well with it and that you can find someone that can help you. Most of us here have had similar issues with therapist and have changed as many times as it takes to find the right one. Good luck and glad you are feeling a little better.

She's very special!
I haven't brought it up because I struggle with being open about my feelings. I really like him as a therapist, so I don't want to leave him but maybe I'll talk to him about them. My other therapist is basically useless when it comes to these problems, because she believes that you can make traumatic memories "funny" by thinking about them with clown noses and circus music.
Honestly, he can probably help me, I just need to be more honest with him I suppose. Nothing we've tried has worked but there are probably more ways.
Thanks so much for the well wishes!

You are very welcome. Just keep in mind that the T is not going to know what you are needing unless you tell them. But once you have told them and they can't find ways to help there'a always other T's. So don't give and keep working for that goal. You are a smart young man and I have no doubt that you can make this better for yourself.
Clown noses and circus music? Yeah ...I would have to cut her lose LOL
Take care