So.. I got Sectioned by the police under the mental health act on Saturday night for playing silly buggers trying to get hit by cars on the dual carriageway... Thankfully the few cars that were around were good drivers who were paying attention to the road.

Released after 12 hours with some recommendations. Saw my GP today who has doubled my meds and i'm being referred to a long term psychiatrist... These are good things I feel, even if I have a huge amount of guilt over my episode..

The bit that confuses me the most though.. There are many people I was not hiding how i was feeling from. Yet, every single response was "I didn't realise it was that bad..."

I didn't mean to do it in this way at all, as I hate attention by default.. But why does it take me nearly getting myself killed for it to twig how much of a mess I am.. ? Do i unconsciously put up a filter or something..

I need my friends to be there for me, now more than ever, but I feel like i'm going to push them away with this.