Hi scaredandconfused,

I am no longer in therapy, and the reason is because my therapist said flat out that she would no longer do any "deep work" with me, unless I attended weekly, when I told her I can only attend biweekly due to financial issues. I didn't even miss a meeting and was consistent, so it kind of made me give up on that particular therapist. Going through my insurance company is expensive to do weekly or even biweekly therapy.

Although I felt I was validated for certain things (I was a dancer, so I got a lot of praise growing up), at times my mother would be very critical of certain things, and we would get into screaming matches that would sometimes get physical. Struggling with Bipolar episodes made this even worse, where I was left feeling misunderstood and scared of the world at times. Certain symptoms, such as impulsivity, also exacerbated things.

Maybe I was seeking some kind of security outside of my home to feel "safer" during adolescence. My mother and I are very close now, although we have similar problems at times, where I don't always feel free to express everything about myself. We have kind of a love-hate relationship, but now we rarely stay mad at each other.

The one thing that I hate, is that I have some insight, and my therapist said that awareness will help me do something about it. I always go back to the same patterns, and I hate it. She never seemed to give me a starting point.