Thanks.

I've actually fairly recently developed my own theory to explain some of my behaviors and thoughts.

I've mentioned that I'm an INTJ. INTJs are notorious for having to think about and plan things that they do. I think that part of the reason why I think the way I do about me not deserving love and what not is due to my goal oriented nature. I need something to drive me to achieve what I want out of life and what better way to do that then to have yourself convinced that you are going to have to fight for and earn things like love, acceptance, happiness, ETC. After all, necessity is the first cousin of invention, yes?

Of course, I could be wrong or I could be overthinking things again, but it is a thought.